Testimonies

GIVE THE GIFT OF LOVE

by Tani

I knew someone at my work that was gay, and I just loved being around him. At first when he showed me a photo of his lover, I could tell he was waiting for me to react. But I didn't. He knew I was Christian, and I think he expected me to judge him. But I didn't. The Lord opened my eyes a few years ago.

I was in San Francisco visiting my birth mother at Davies Medical Centre. She was on the AIDS floor. Without her telling me she had AIDS, I just went there unknowingly, and very ignorant about AIDS and the homosexual community. My mother was not gay, but did live a life on the streets of San Francisco, and did what she could to survive. She was a drug addict when I met her at age twenty five.

Anyhow, while my husband and I were there for the week, I noticed there were really only men that I saw. I didn't realise, for some reason, that we were in the middle of the gay community. My husband had to point it out to me. I began making derogatory remarks and really making fun of the situation. You know how sometimes God just has a way to shut our mouths and open our eyes? Well, praise the Lord He was doing that with me.

One day while visiting my mom, I noticed a sign across the hall that had been written in red marker, taped up next to a doorway. On the sign it said "CHIP'S ROOM" in large letters. Immediately upon reading the sign, my heart was heavy to go and meet Chip. I argued with God all day. When I say all day, I mean all day long! I kept saying to the Lord, "What could I possibly say to this man, a man that I have never even laid eyes on? What could I possibly say to him to change his beliefs or to lead him to the Lord?" I kept saying it over and over in my head.

Finally I got up enough courage that night to walk by Chip's room and look in. There I saw a frail man. Who was laying in his bed reading a magazine. He was middle-aged looking, bald, and very thin. He had photos of friends and family sitting in front of his bed on a table. Maybe they were there to keep his spirits up everyday when he awoke? He didn't see me look in, but for that brief moment the Lord allowed me to see, not a homosexual or gay man, but a man in need of being loved. I watched him for a few days, and to my sad surprise no one came in to see him. In fact, there were at the time about ten men on that floor and the week I was there I saw maybe two visitors.

One day (as I was arguing with the Lord) I read the letters attached to a wall- a tool that the Lord also used to open my heart and eyes. On this wall were about fifty letters, from friends and family of loved ones who had died of AIDS. The letters spoke about the courage of a sister, the laughter of a brother, and the love of a mother and father. There were also photos of people that had stayed there at the centre. As I looked at each face, I could only stand there and hold back the tears. I thought to myself, "This could be my son, my daughter, my father," and then realised it was my mother - my mother in the next room fighting for her life.

For the first time I realised what AIDS was, and I let it in.

The next day my husband and I walked outside the Centre. We were talking about the things that go on in life. I looked up and there was that frail man, Chip. I knew in my heart right away that I could not argue with the Lord any longer. I realised what I was being told to do. With a Pepsi in his hand, sitting on some steps, Chip looked right up at me. For the first time our eyes met. He smiled at me and said "hello" in a soft voice. I took a deep breath and then said to him, "Hi Chip, you don't know me, but I was asked to come over here and talk to you." He smiled and said "okay." I then explained to him that I had seen his name in red marker on a sign next to his door and that at that point my heart was led to him. He again smiled and then explained to my husband and I that the sign was placed there to help him remember where his room was because the AIDS had caused lesions on his brain.

We spoke a little bit about AIDS and his life. At the end of our conversation, I asked if my husband and I could pray with him. He said he did believe in God, and that a priest would come to the hospital and pray with him once a week. I told him "I would just like to pray with you." As I reached over to take his hand, he put it behind his back. Tears came into all of our eyes, because we all knew why he had put his hand there. He was afraid I might contract the disease. My husband and I both smiled and took his hand from behind his back and began to pray with Chip. During the prayer we all began to cry hard. There was something there between us all that I don't think any of us understood until after.

When the prayer finished, Chip look at me with tears running down his face, and said "Thank you so much. You have no idea what you have done for me today." But I looked back at him and said, "No, you have no idea what God has done to me today."

We parted and my husband and I were forever changed by that prayer and time with Chip. I realised it wasn't that God was telling me to go and save this man, that is His job. It was so simple what He was saying to me and asking me to do, but I made it difficult because I was arguing with Him. God was simply asking me to "GO AND LOVE THIS MAN, AS I LOVE YOU."

I am forever changed because of that great gift the Lord gave to me. I don't know what ever happened with Chip. I am assuming he has died. Every time I think about that week in San Francisco, I think of Chip, and it reminds me to: "LOVE THE PEOPLE, AS I HAVE LOVED YOU."

I share this story with you, not to boast or anything like that. I share this out of my heart. I hope that this testimony will help others to look beneath the sin of people (we are all sinners), and to give the gift of love. It's through that love of God that we can share. That will be a testimony to the people, and to hopefully help change lives.

Tani Penland Email: tyepenland7@earthlink.net