So often today we hear people say "You can choose your friends, but you can't choose your family". Well, God has chosen your family for a reason.

The main reason is He wants our family to be a loving, supportive and nurturing unit. The family is a microcosm of the Church and Satan's main objective is to break up families which then generally causes havoc in society. When we are divided, we can be conquered. Unity is what holds the universe together…it is what God set into motion in the beginning. "The thief comes to kill, rob and destroy but I have come so that you might have life and that more abundantly". John 10:10

With all the pressure on families today, how do we cope when a crisis arises?

When any tragedy or bad news hits our families, one of the most devastating thoughts we experience as individuals and families is that we are alone and that no-one cares. Thus our emotions become entangled in a web of confusion which produces despair and the feeling that there is not hope.

Once we find a supportive and nurturing group of people who have had similar experiences, we realise that:

1. The same thing has happened to other families and they have survived.
2. We are not alone in this.
3. We have feelings and emotions that are real, and are OK to have.
4. There is hope for our loved ones and the rest of the family.
Trauma does not just effect the person alone, but has a ripple effect across the family. There are real emotions involved when a loved one has chosen a lifestyle that is potentially harmful to themselves, and it is devastating to the family who feel powerless to help.

These emotions can range from anger, fear, disgust, guilt, embarrassment, shame, desire to disassociate and revulsion. Guilt is often one of the first emotions that we feel and we want to absolve our loved one and blame ourselves for not being a good parent, which has resulted in their lifestyle choice. This might be true and it might not, but either way, blaming yourself will not change what is.

All of these are real feelings and are normal. It is OK to feel these things, but it is NOT OK to stay there. We need to own our feelings, and move on.

As Christians we know that God has said He will not give us a burden we cannot carry. Hold on to this promise, and be continually in prayer, forgiving your loved one for the pain they have and continue to cause. Forgive yourself for the feelings that you have, and commit your family into God's care. Be expectant to see God do miracles in your life and the life of your loved one.

Jesus came to save all sinners, and we have no right to choose whom we feel are more acceptable for ministry. Unfortunately today both society and the church have a problem dealing with homosexuality, more so than they do with any other lifestyle choice or sexual sin. We must remember that there is no degree of sin, or that one sin is more acceptable than another. What we do need to do, both as individuals and the church, is love everyone as Jesus did. We need to separate the lifestyle and sin and the person. The example that Jesus gives us is that of the prostitute who was brought before Him for condemnation/judgment. He told the people that those who were without sin could cast the first stone. Jesus first ministered to the person, and then dealt with the lifestyle/sin. Another good example of this was the woman at the well and the Grace with which Jesus dealt with her lifestyle choice.

So, as a family who has a loved one who is struggling with homosexuality, you are probably thinking, "That is all good and well, but how do I get through this?". I can only tell you of my own experience in this area and the Grace of God....

God gives us our children for a season, during which time we are their custodians, teachers, and supporters. We are commanded to teach them a Godly set of values and trust that this will surface when the need arises. When they leave our homes and make their own way in the world, we must continue to love, support and encourage. When they fall, we need to allow them to be responsible for themselves and accept the consequences of their mistakes. We need to understand that we can not continue to be their "rescuer". Every time we come to their aide we enable them to continue their lifestyle and sin. It seems that some of us have to come to a point in our lives where we become sick and tired of being sick and tired…the end of our rope so to speak. We must be willing to do anything for our healing…

Another important lesson is that we need to learn to let go of our children and commit them into God's care. This is not as easy as it sounds, and often you will find yourself in a co-dependant situation, because it is easier to hang on to what you think you can fix. When you walk with the Lord, He reveals things to you and you need to be obedient in letting go when He says so. Not doing to will result in continued anxiety and even fear for your loved one. This is not helpful to you or your family member and is not what God wants for us. God wants to help. He wants us to be open to His will. In the past, we have been our own obstacle to God's purpose. Now we need to choose to humble ourselves in the healing process He takes us through. We need to accept responsibility for our own actions as they relate to the situation and to grow spiritually through it all.

Exodus 17 tells us the story of Moses who told Joshua to gather a small group of men and to go to war against the Amalekites. Moses would sit on the top of the hill and hold up the staff of God to ensure their success. While Moses hands were in the air the Israelites were winning, but when his arms got tired and the staff lowered they started loosing. Aaron and Hur came alongside Moses and sat him on a rock and each one held up one of his arms, to help the Israelites win. This they did, thanks to their obedience of God's command and their teamwork.

This is what the Restoring Wholeness family support group is created to be... Alone we can be devastated by the fact that one of our loved ones is gay, but together we can support, encourage and learn from each other.

The support groups help us to understand the complexity of emotions, actions and questions that we have about our loved ones homosexuality.

Support helps us go through the grieving process, and enables us to identify the steps in the process and to deal with these by applying biblical principles.

We are able to identify co-dependency in families and learn to communicate and relate in a healthy way.

We learn to deal with acceptance, what we should and should not accept, and forgiveness and how to ask for it.

We learn the principles of communicating, which will bring understanding, openness and co-operation instead of misunderstanding, distrust and alienation.

We learn to develop listening skills, which encourages true communication.

We explore God's creative design and order regarding human sexuality.

We learn to understand the difference between homosexual attraction and behaviour.

We encourage faith that God is able and willing to bring wholeness to the homosexual person.

We learn to understand the enemy, including his intent and limitations, and to arm Christians for battle, both defensively and offensively.

#26 “Ugliness Turned into Paradise”, story from "Journey into Life" by Rudi Lack:

“As I stepped out of the missionary compound, the sights and smells of Argentina hit me with full force. I had to hold my breath, so foul was the stench of the open sewers lining the road. The water in these shallow trenches appeared black and polluted, and a layer of trash floated and bobbed on the grimy surface like suds in a washing machine.

The streets were not and airless, with the hovering stillness that comes just before a thunderstorm. The feet of humans and animals trudging by kicked up a great cloud of dust, which swirled and then settled on the damp, clammy surface of my skin. Overcome by the crush of heat, dirt and noise, I turned and went back to the relative coolness and sanity of the mission house.

During the night, the promised thunderstorm rolled over the city. Rain fell until the early hours of the morning, when the sun rose and the clouds were blown away by a fresh wind, scudding across the dark blue sky like sailboats on a mighty lake. Revived by a good night’s sleep, I decided to take a brief walk outside. But this time, when I stepped out of the compound, I could scarcely believe my eyes.

What a transformation! The rain had swelled the ugly sewer trenches along the road and flushed away the worst of the pollution. Here and there, quiet, clear little pools on the streets mirrored the blue sky and snow white clouds. Even the trees which had faded into the landscape the day before now stood tall and green, their roots immersed in water.

The ugly sewer had now become a teeming expanse of life. Myriads of frolicking grogs created hundreds of ripples across the surface. I had never seen so many frogs! They seemed deliriously content with their new environment – jumping, playing and trying to outdo one another in a deafening concert of bull-grog croaks. Rain from above had turned the miserable habitat into a paradise for them. Blades of grass had sprung up overnight, and insects swarmed in every direction. The whole area had become an immense concert hall that resounded to the glory of God the creator.

I was awe-struck by the extent of the transformation- and at the same time I could see a spiritual parallel to this story. We humans often make a mess of our lives and the world we live in. but God’s intervention will turn it into something beautiful. Did he not say in His Word that He would bring beauty out of ashes… That he would pour water on the dray ground? He can turn the ugliest sewer into a beautiful playground that reflects His glory for all to see.

If the circumstances in your life seem a little depressing today, take heart. Under God’s direction they can be transformed into a beautiful garden, teeming with the life of his kingdom. Let Him show you the potential for transformation in your life – you can begin to see it now through they eyes of faith.

Prayer:

"Heavenly Father, Thank you for your Grace in our lives Lord. Thank you Lord that your word assures us that you will never give us a burden that we cannot carry. Thank you Jesus that you are always there waiting for us to come to you for help during a crisis. Thank you Lord that even through a crisis we can grow spiritually when we walk with you. Thank you Lord that your Holy Spirit is constantly with us to guide and direct us. Help us Lord to learn to forgive those who have hurt us, and I pray that for those family members here today that are hurting, that you would minister to them at their point of need. Father fill them with your peace, that they might know that You are the healer. Father remind us that you are bigger than all our problems and instil in their hearts the hope that we have in the saving Grace of Jesus. Father help us to surrender our concerns to you and to wait expectantly to see the miracles you will do in our and our loved ones lives.

In Jesus name, Amen".